Parkdean Resorts Landguard: A stay on the Isle of Wight with everything you could need is a pleasure

And to this list I’d add another: proper British caravan park holidays. I don’t want to sound too jingoistic but I can’t imagine that other countries have the same vibe as the “stay in a small caravan but it doesn’t move, then watch light entertainment in the evening”. It just doesn’t seem a French or Italian kind of thing. It does seem slightly redolent of years gone by at first glance. But it isn’t. I love it, and my kids, well, they go off the scale nuts at the prospect.

And so it came to pass that at the beginning of the school holidays I was (only briefly) a top-tier dad when I announced to them, with about two hours’ notice, that we were going to the Isle of Wight for a couple of nights to stay at a Parkdean resort. My children are well versed in Parkdean - before they were of school age we would take advantage of various voucher schemes and go for cheap weeks in June or October, and even since term times dictated life we have been regular visitors. We live in Hampshire and so the Isle of Wight is easy to get to; the ferry crossing makes it a pricier break than just the cost of petrol but the island is easy to fall in love with. The jokes about being 20 years behind the mainland and only just getting to grips with the internet (hohohoho) have a small element of truth but they miss the point, as the island, and particularly its south side, is charming, has plenty to do and enjoys great weather. And the beaches are sandy. There is nothing to dislike.

A ferry is a treat in itself - we went from Portsmouth, which is a 45-minute journey compared to Southampton’s hour - and as we watched sunny Southsea recede into the distance and Fishbourne approached, the excitement built.

We were staying in Landguard, a site on the edge of the town of Shanklin. It’s small-ish compared to some but borders another big Parkdean site, Lower Hyde, and consequently guests can use facilities - or book on to activities - at either park. While we were there, there was a non-stop menu for particularly older children, such as water walkers, kayaks, football, water blasters, zorbs and so on, split between the two parks. 

Shanklin is one of a couple of seaside resorts on the south-east side of the island, bordering Sandown. Think piers, arcades, ice creams, as well as cream teas. Head west from there and you are into the picture postcard areas - the village of Ventnor, the winding coastal road that will take you eventually to the dramatic open grassland of Tennyson Down and the Needles, or inland to the quaint Godshill with its famous model village. 

We were staying in a Rowan Lodge, larger than those to which we have previously been, and it felt luxurious. It was like having our own house, a far cry from the caravans of stereotype. We were only a five-minute walk from the entertainment complex, and a 10-minute walk from the nearest supermarket, but we had a genuine feeling of being away from it all as we stayed in what is effectively woodland.

The kids were impressed by this all, but we all knew why we were here. Or rather, what they were here for. Come 5.30pm, we piled down to the showbar for the Starland Krew performance, to experience the most famous characters you’ve never heard of. Or perhaps the least famous characters to cause children to swoon, depending on how you look at it.

Those who have been to a Parkdean resort with kids will know Sparky, Sparkles, Sid, Lizzy and Narky, a motley assembly of rabbits, a surfing seagull, a keep-fit lizard, and a troublemaking aardvark, and will probably have come away with some merchandise. It’s like an underground phenomenon, that doesn’t exist on telly or away from your holiday (There is music on Spotify but word to the wise, don’t tell your kids that. If I’m honest I could live without it in the car and being played on any unlocked Alexa). 

The Starland Krew show each night sees kids get the chance to dance, play games and meet the characters, and is pitched at a time and at a length so that it doesn’t overtire children or send them mad. The hosts are invariably great at getting people involved, meaning adults can have a couple of drinks - as with many places there is now the option of ordering via an app, with payment taken instantly and the order delivered to the table - with minimum fuss.

The other big advantage of staying on the park is the swimming pool. Don’t underestimate its value on a rainy day. Landguard’s indoor one (there’s also an outdoor) isn’t huge but was perfect for a five and seven-year-old, and came with the absolute treat of a slide, which was there to be used again and again. We went a couple of times and could easily have gone on each of the three days we were there, such was its popularity. 

Of course we weren’t restricted to staying onsite. We took a trip to Shanklin seafront, ate a Mr Whippy even though it was raining, and wandered around the town. We went to the National Poo Museum in Sandown - quite honestly a wonderful little museum that was educational, fun, and full of surprising facts. Because we were there on a wet day the queue stretched out of the door but it didn’t take long to shuffle through to the front and get in. We’d driven past posters when it was based in the nearby zoo, but had never been and now it has its own home in a former military battery. Highly recommended.

And that’s the joy of the holiday park. Attractions in the park, and nearby. On previous trips to Lower Hyde I’ve been running up the former railway line that leads inland towards the centre of the island and seen red squirrels aplenty. Our area of the site was in woodland but you didn’t have to walk far to find more. Yes Caribbean beaches I’m sure are great, and some people love skiing holidays, while others want nothing more than to yomp up hills every day. But for the rest of us, needing to keep the family happy while not wanting to pay jetset prices, this is ideal. It is, indeed, a pleasure.